Almost Famous

Warning this is kind of a sad, middle of the night, not going to make any sense but to a sleep deprived Brad post. Read at your own risk.
I have had a horrible night. A bad day followed by a pretty horrible night. A big final followed by a bad day at work followed by a last minute project that kept me at work until 9:00 at night. From work I had to go over to Kinko's to have them laminate my project. Call me crazy but I really love walking in downtown Salt Lake, especially at night. Kinkos is two and a half blocks away from where I work. As I turned down a street I passed a homeless man throwing up on the side walk and I kept walking by. Then there was another homeless man huddling against the side of the building that Kinkos is in. After showing the idiots at Kinkos what exactly I needed to have them do, and after showing them how to do it better after they ruined the sample they did for me, I left and started walking back to work. The homeless man huddling next to the building Kinkos is was being questioned by a few of the Salt Lake Angels, and the man throwing up was laying on the ground. I looked at him and knew something was wrong. Then a fire truck pulled over and two firemen jumped out checked his pulse and his breathing and then started performing CPR on him. I stood frozen watching them for a moment, not knowing what to do. I had to walk away. There was nothing I could do, the firemen obviously know CPR better than I do. And I had to leave because I couldn't wait to see if he made it or not. It was just too real for me. Death is something that I cannot comprehend. And I needed to at least be able to believe that he made it. If I would have stayed then maybe he wouldn't have, and the guilt that I am already feeling is keeping me up til 3am and there is no sleep in sight. When I first saw him he was puking his guts out into a bush. I didn't stop, I was in a hurry, I was mad that I was working that late, tired due to studying for my final living on three hours of sleep and just wanted to get my project finished. And I just walked on by. Thirty minutes later he was receiving CPR. And I really hate myself right now. I left my phone at my apartment so I didn't have anyone to talk to about it, and after finishing a few things up back at the office I went to my parking garage and found that it was locked up, and my pass was in my car. So I sat on the steps outside my parking garage contemplating on what had happened, what I am doing in my life, and how the world can just literally suck sometimes. I did that for twenty minutes until some random stranger was going into the parking garage and after reassuring that I park there too I talked him into letting me in. I went back to my apartment and for the first time in a really long time felt completely alone. So instead of tackling my life head on I call my mom and dad. Gosh I am such a wimp sometimes. But I needed to talk to someone, and the list of people I can talk to about this is getting increadibly smaller as I get older. It was a good thing I did, they always have a way of making me feel like I am still a decent person. Still not satisfied I turned to music. I couldn't find a song that really went with what I was feeling so I started watching one of my favorite movies.
Here is a clip from one of my favorite movies of all time, Almost Famous. It kind of fits exactly how I am feelig right now. Premise for the clip is Patrick Fugit plays the young kid sitting next to Kate Hudson. He is a young reporter for Rolling Stone who follows the band Stillwater on tour writing an article about them. Kate Hudson is Penny Lane, the ultimate groupie, who inspires lead guitarist of Stillwater played by Billy Crudup to be a better musician. The band just got into a huge argument and is on the verge of breaking up and this is how they all get back together again. Through the song Tiny Dancer.

It somehow made me feel better. I don't really get how, but it did. Elton John had some good stuff back in the day. I highly reccommend the movie it is rated R so if that is not your thing look for it on cable to get the edited version. I guess posting this is my last effort in trying to talk to someone about a horrible day without having to actually talk to someone and burden them. Anyways I just want to forget about this bad day and fall asleep and start a brand new better day. Thats the way it works right?
Anyways, "Hold me closer tiny dancer. Count the headlights on the highway. Lay me down in sheets of linen, you had a busy day today...." Good song.